This might be the best thing ever written

http://myimmortalrehost.webs.com/chapters122.htm

Okay so Matt Cullane and I have been reading this
it's probably the worst fanfiction ever written! Just read it! Read it and weep for the Human Race!

Edit: The kind of stuff you'll be in for while reading

“NO!” I screamed. I was horrorfied! B’loody Mary tried to comfort me but I told her fuck off and I ran to my room crying myself. Dumbledore chased after me shouting but he had to stop when I went into my room cause he would look like a perv that way.

Anyway, I started crying tears of blood and then I slit both of my wrists. They got all over my clothes so I took them off and jumped into the bath angrily while I put on a Linkin Park song at full volume. I grabbed a steak and almost stuck it into my heart to commit suicide. I was so fucking depressed! I got out of the bathtub and put on a black low-cut dress with lace all over it sandly. I put on black high heels with pink metal stuff on the ends and six pairs of skull earrings. I couldn’t fucking believe it. Then I looked out the window and screamed… Snap was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! And Loopin was masticating to it! They were sitting on their broomsticks.

I should warn you, viewer excretion is required. Theres some pretty explicit stuff in here, some of it's even intentional.

You have no idea how entertaining I found this. Roundapanda sent me a link while we were chatting once and it provided endless hours of entertainment.

Ah. its a work of utter crappy genius.

Urrrgh! GOt bain dRamage just reedin that leetul bit. No kan REed mor.

This is so repulsive!

Lord, forgive them, they know not what they are doing ...

It's like she's a freaking lolcat

Roundapanda wrote:And Loopin was masticating to it!

Must have been a damn tasty video.

Seriously, I finally make my way back to the Nerdle forum (yeah, I threw down the gauntlet, Jakob; bring your hillbilly madness to my doorstep! RAWR!!), and I end up reading something that makes me vomit up a piece of my soul

Well. Then you've already been punished for writing That Word Which Shall Not Be Written.

Don't make me masticate you.

(Seriously, I have seen so many adults turned into gibbering, giggling children by that word!)

Masticate , Masticate .. Hmmm. My first encounter with this word, I'll memorize that one for my impending time at Uni . Got to distinguish myself you know

This is going to be weird, entering a non-imaginary world where English is actually spoken.

This has to be a piss take. Nobody can have seriously stuff like:

Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what

I ate some Count Chocula cereal with blood instead of milk

WARNING: SUM OF DIS CHAPTA IS XTREMLY SCRAY. VIOWER EXCRETION ADVISD.

But I find this a part more than a little disturbing:

I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists. I read a depressing book while I waited for it to stop bleeding and I listened to some GC.

I masticate everyday. I'm thinking of doing it again real soon here.

I'm masticating some granola right now. Wait, that doesn't sound dirtay at all. I suck.

Mandi wrote:I suck.

No worries, those two little words (to stoopid boyz) redeem your whole post!

But yeah, masticating, say, a carrot, would have worked a lot better!

Mandi wrote:I'm masticating some granola right now. Wait, that doesn't sound dirtay at all. I suck.

Damn, I'm trying to visualize this now...as in, if masticating meant what we're pretending it means...is there food fanfic online?

Mandi wrote:I'm masticating some granola right now. Wait, that doesn't sound dirtay at all. I suck.

You're doing what to your granny?

Jakob wrote:

Mandi wrote:I'm masticating some granola right now. Wait, that doesn't sound dirtay at all. I suck.

You're doing what to your granny?

Your grandmother's name is Ola? Nola? Awww...that's sweet! I love sweet granola!

Yeah, you know, Granny Ola? She's old, but she still needs fulfillment, and she can't masticate like she used to, due to oral problems, so I do it for her.

Here's some serious mastication for ya!



http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vagina_dentata

Mandi wrote:Yeah, you know, Granny Ola? She's old, but she still needs fulfillment, and she can't masticate like she used to, due to oral problems, so I do it for her.

It's nice that Granny Ola has such a kind granddaughter to do that for her. There are a lot of things I'd do for my gram, Cracker, but I don't know if masticating is one of them. She's lost her sense of taste, anyway, and sticks to jello.

[quote="Jumpsuit"]

Mandi wrote: She's lost her sense of taste, anyway, and sticks to jello.

Soft, Sticky and ....moist?

Okay, moist? Using the word moist is always taking it one step too far.

Oh, that's some serious mastication there, for sure, and penetrates deep into the psyche of cultures and individuals alike.

Ironically, "Vagina Dentata" is my favorite album by The Police. It's puts "Don't Stand so Close to Me" in a while new light, I'd say.

Mandi wrote:Okay, moist? Using the word moist is always taking it one step too far.

Haha! And the awesome thing is, I do believe that's the second time you've gone down that road in your own forum!

Seriously, my Grandmother Myrtle turned 95 last week, god bless her.